Across the Borderline love

Love me,

But don´t hold me too tight.

Hold me,

And don´t kiss me too light.

Too close,

You will give me a fright.

No no,

Where are you going?

I don´t want you to go.

Just stay here with me,

Just stay here with me.

I hate you,

But don´t want you leave.

I love you,

And I am awaiting the grief,

Always,

Awaiting the grief.

No no,

Where are you going?

I don´t want you to go.

Just stay and love me.

Just stay and love me.

Oh god, love will be the end of me.

You are going to burn me up and I,

I will het it happen.

Oh god, This will be death of you,

And for sure I am going to bury

Myself with you.

Actions,

I crave them to speak.

I rise,

And the fall is steep.

I love,

I love too deep-ly

Oh god, I fight for what is righteously

Mine, and I will go under or die,

Die trying and trying again.

Oh God, your hand is always in mine

And we always go under together,

Drowning till swimming is possible.

I, have never done this before.

Will you help me, Hold the door!

I am not leaving without you.

Life, is a balancing act,

And in retrospect…

I want you to love me

And hold me tight

Kiss me,

And not just tonight.

Hold my hand

Until the morning light

And then some more,

Then some more…

There is something you don´t know

You said I lied,

I said I hide,

You said you won´t believe me.

You said I blew things up

Right our their proportions

But you think that cause you won´t believe me.

But there are these things you have never seen.

An image in the dark and that image is me.

You said you won´t listen and I don´t think you will watch

And see me lying here so still while the world rushes.

I am lying here in the dark because my body deceives me

And you don´t know.

I can´t bare the light, I can´t bare the sound and I can´t bare the silence either

And you won´t know.

It is my truth, after just 2 things of doing, my punishment for trying to feel alive

And you can´t know.

I live my life in less than half the time I have to spend and it makes me sad

And I don´t think you want to know.

How many times I have spend here crying

Between the sheets inside this room.

How many times I wonder if I should be

More scared for life than I am to die.

How many times I have been trapped here

With my thoughts to roam and how they feel like doom.

How many times I tried to smile and how

Many times I meant it and oh god I try….

And you don´t know the aftermath of everything I tried to do.

And you don´t know the eruption of guilt I feel for just being me.

And you don´t know how I tried to fix things without losing myself

In the process and you don´t know how I wished that I could be

Someone else. Just for you.

Just for me.

Just for them.

Just for the world that seems

Open at my feet and I can´t fucking reach,

Oh why can´t I reach?

I can always forgive but I am never able to forget

And I am not able to play the part and pretend

That everything never happened,

But I am lying here in the dark and you don´t know,

But secretly you already judged me for doing so.

There is no one but you who can change that.

This is not what I wanted, but you don´t see.

This is not how I imagined life to turn out, but you don´t know.

This is not the future of being me I thought, but you don´t see.

I never wanted this at all, and still you don´t know.

So call me a sick sick little liar,

And now I will hide only further.

Back in the dark room where no one can´t see me.

Maybe my body is protecting me from your judgment.

But I hardly reckon it is needed,

Your silence is deafening,

And I think I need to let go,

Because there is nothing threatening

About everyone of you who turned around

While I am lying here in this dark room,

Filling up my days,

Not making any sound.

Unwilling to see me lying here filling my days

Is rather telling of the little ways

You live in your world, and I in mine

And you don´t want to be proven wrong and that´s fine.

Maybe one day I will stop counting the days

Until the pain will just become painful memories

Or everything turns to scars and we find a way

To become closer again, but I won´t hold my breath.

I am lying here in the dark room, and you have hurt me,

Without even knowing so, my friend.

It has been a while

Let´s draw a line

Let´s shut the door

Let´s draw the needle

over her skin

And hurt some more

Let´s make it okay

The way it all plays out

And give her the blame

Not even a sentiment

Or some doubt

Let´s make it look

Like it does not hurt her at all.

Let´s give her a kick

And then let here take the fall.

I have tried in so many ways now

And every way is still not enough.

I have tried to meet you on middle ground

But still I was not close enough.

You wanted me to see it all your way

While mine kept on being ignored.

And I accepted my fault,

But still I wait for you to see yours.

I am just a punching bag, I guess.

Your good days are now my punishment.

And yes I know that it have hurt you to.

But that does not make this right,

Whatever what was meant.

Let´s take a dive

Into my soul

And see me swim

For many hours

To take back control

Over my life

And the things I feel

Over all those moments

That made you say

That I am not real.

That everything I feel or say is not worth a consideration.

That it is always me that has to walk the extra mile.

But the truth is, that I am tired of always walking.

If you want answers, come to me for a while.

Take the effort and come to me for a while.

Why won´t you ever come to me for a while?

Am I for you event worth your while?

Hello you, it has been a while….

De jas

Een zwarte jas zat aan de bar,

Een drankje in zijn beiden handen.

Naast hem zat een echte heer,

Met een vraag die in hem brandde.

“Wat heb je dan vandaag gedaan dan, man?

Dat het niet om 1 maar 2 drankjes vragen doet?”

De jas zette zijn drankjes terug op de bar,

En stoptte hem onder zijn hoed.

“Dat is wat men altijd vragen doet,

Aan zij die besluiten te stoppen met zijn.

Die hun huid naast hun kleding heeft gelegen,

En van het podium verdween.

Zie je, ik ben ook een acteur geweest,

Zelfs een improviseur, ja echt.

Het was volledig tegen mijn wil,

Maar dat was wat het leven je brengt.

Een baan, een schuld, een podium

Waarop je laat zien jouw waard.

Jouw vrienden, jouw familie, zelfs jouw vrouw

Zijn een enkel wezen van ogen die naar jouw staart,

Elke fout is nooit vergeten.

Elke woord woord in de boeken opgeslagen.

Want dat is het leven, weet je?

Gisteren word nooit meer vandaag, en..”

De jas sprak passievol maar viel hier stil,

Zijn woorden als lakens over de bar gevouwen.

Tussen de man en de jas en al het leven

Begon het langzaam een muur te bouwen.

“Ik denk dat je beter niets meer horen kan.”

Sprak de man in de ongemakkelijke stilte.

“Zelfs toen ik mijn vrouw vertelde dat ik leven

Niet onder controle had, ontmoette ze mij met kilte.”

De jas deed eindelijk zijn jas af

En besloot te verdwijnen in de massa buiten

Alsof hij nooit uitzonderlijk was.

Toch hoorde men hem fluiten.

Zijn drankjes gedronken op de bar

Vier anderen er nog bij.

Zijn hoofd zal nu even stil zijn,

Opgelost en blij.

Time

My dear,
You said that life is fleeting
And by definition so is time.
So you run like seconds are worth defeating
Until the life of you is gone.
But my love, you know not time like I do.
He sleeps in my bed and rises with the sun.
How can such a critter be fleeting?
If he has the same orderly day
After day after day after day.
And how can his time be worth defeating
For the chaos that will come unbound.

Is is not death that you are racing?
I can always see him in our tracks my love.
Maybe what you need is slowing down,
He might pass us by, the dove.
I think the world has turned upside down
For sure and so did I,
I was running until I could run no more
And I was running until I turned blind
And even after that I ran some more.


But time goes no slower here, you might think.
It goes by just as fast everyday
As I chose to walk my walks slower,
Talk my talks slower,
Fill my days a bit slower,
Stop and smell that flower just a bit lower,
Even though it did not smell of roses at all.
I did what every person would forget to do,
I breathe, I breathe, I breathe AND exhale
And the day I will finally met you
On the street I will have time to say hallo.

Isn´t that perfect? Those little moments
That not money but time can buy
And we have an abandunce of that.
The sleepy cat that perfectly lies
Between my breast when I rest.
Or the camera I brought
When surely someone in haste would have forget
That not the just big things in life matter
If it is just worth a brag
I am here, I am right here, love,
I am not the things you think I lack.

No I am laying here on the floor
The stones make my belly grow cold.
And I am petting the cat that crossed my path
And hearing her purr into my ear never goes old.
From my place here by the ground
I have not yet found where they buried the gold
But I found a dollar here, that´s almost as good
And look at the view on that building,
Amazing the beauty here from the ground.
Should I one day ever go sailing
I will bring my face as close to the sea
Not just to see underneath
But also see the skies further away from me.

Oh yes I mean it love,
There is no harm in slowing down.
What is your perpetual haste?
What is our perpetual fascination,
Nigh obsession with getting everything done?
This done, that done, so done, and yes
We have to have our responsibilities.
We have to take care of our lives
And we have to take care of each
And every one of us as well.

But what is the enjoyment in just enjoying
If it all is just another story to tell
And nothing to experience at all?
Another nod on the board?
Another stripe down right of the list?
God, don´t you ever get bored
Knowing that all the everything
You are doing turns to be nothing
At all in the end anyway?

So why not fully enjoy it all
And really take your time,
Yes the time you fear,
Taking everything in, and you´ll find
You have lived instead of ran,
Find in your precious time a friend.
Did ten things left feeling unharmed
Instead of doing 30 because you thought
Being a pusher througher made your life charmed.

No do not stop and just smell the roses now!
Stop and look at them right this minute.
Take them in and see every detail and you
Will see more than the whole lot
Of them racing you buy never knowing the details
Of that one single rose that caught your eye.
And is it time that brought you these moments
Or do you still believe time runs you by?
Time is nothing but a lie?

Rom-no-com

Want het leven is net als in de film,

Een bekertje popcorn met je huishoudelijk geweld

Die jij zo heerlijk en romantisch vind?

Wat ik leer,

Elke keer als ik mijn reet

Voor zo´n film parkeer,

Nu ja probeer.

Op het moment,

Dat die interessante jongen,

Jouw vent,

Iets fouts doet, heeft gelogen,

Nooit bekend,

Is het helemaal niet zo dat je hem

Een schop in zijn kloten moeten geven.

Nee elke keer als hij komt met een groot gebaar

En een sorry moet je hem vergeven.

Want hij meent het echt weet je,

Als hij je toezingt onder een dineetje.

En oh mijn god als jij die vrouw bent

Die ooit nee zei in het begin van de bombasme

Van de film over die ene vent

Die natuurlijk al je gedachten kan lezen

En stiekem weet dat met elke nee

je eigenlijk ja bedoelt.

Dat je hem wilt, naar hem verlangt,

En oh ja stiekem ben je ook gedwee,

Doe je graag die drie dagen oude afwas

Die met zijn grote stank

Zelfs zombies buiten de deur wilt.

Stel je voor, dat je stank voor dank,

Voor hem die laat zien wat jij echt wil in jouw koppie,

Toch liever als een bitch een partner in advocatuur word.

Vergeet vooral niet de BDSM,

Een zweepje hier, een tikje hier,

Maar is dit gebied zo gezien niet erg grijs?

50 tinten waard, omdat wat getoond word

Niet echt met BDSM gaat gepaard?

Dat jaloezie in die vorm normaal en wijs

Is voor een slimme man die vast beter weet,

Natuurlijk absoluut niet stalkt voor hij vastbind

en zweept.

Tsja het is niet alsof die wereld op vertrouwen is gebouwd,

En stopwoordjes heilig hoeven te worden nageleefd.

En laat mij absoluut nog niet over de media beginnen,

Als die toevallig voor of na je film zelf filmen.

Want wat echt erg is in een verkrachtingszaak

Waar een meisje word gefilmd in een gangrape

Die met denigratie gaat gepaard

Is het leed van die andere gesnapte jongens

Die nooit wisten wat een nee was

En zij die anders hun carriere, nee tsjonge

Niet aan denken aan misgelopen footballers,

Of aan de toekomst en leed van het meisje.

Want zij konden allemaal gedachtenlezen dat haar gebrek aan ja gegil

Nooit een nee kon zijn, net als in de film.

Zo nee zo´n rom com-t er bij niet in,

Niet in mijn maag, mijn brein, mijn wereldse zin.

Maar je kan vast gedachtenlezen,

Dat ik die rom com eigenlijk graag wil,

Braaf meisje ik.

Dank je wijze man, ik wees nu stil.

Mans World

Life learned me many things but the game has changed,

I am unlearning what I learned from the olden days.

Going step by step back into memory lane.

Healing my self a little each day.

You see the things that you told me were wrong,

There is no denying that old thinking kept our minds going.

And when I am scolded for being too strong.

You got the word bitch on the tip of your tongue.

There was this guy back in the day which I used to like.

Can´t deny it took less than a day for me to spend the night.

I could see the word slut form in your minds.

But if I would have gone home, you would call me a dyke.

We still think the world is short on stock or demand

When it comes to a man and a woman, a woman and a man.

You want us woman to revere and only like the man

And yet you beat up a man who just thinks to like them.

And sweaters, short hair, and baggy jeans are not okay.

You clothe for the eye of man, woman, have you not learned today.

But if what you really want comes out to play.

You scream for obscenity because you can´t greet or talk or sway.

This is a mans world but every time someone says this world

There is a man to tell us we got it twisted, bend and twirled.

Yet if we talk about issues that effects just us girls,

Flies on honey, telling us how men problems really hurt.

But it´s a mans world and a mans world it is,

And I can not give a damn if you hate the world privilege.

I am so ready by now to tell you to suck it up bitch.

The truth hurts but so does domestic violence,

Or rapist walking free cause it´s a mans world.

Or different standards for everything cause it´s a man world.

No equal pay but still claiming a woman has equal chances in a mans world.

Telling men that are feminine that it is something bad in this mans world.

Telling me I am not worth to live in this mans world

Cause I am fat, and genderbending and half a dyke in this mans world.

Telling me 6 year old abused probably learning something from it in this mans world.

Because you think your input is always constructive in this mans world.

Oh fuck you, and your fucking cocksucking mans world.