Weary

I am left weary.

My eyes see too much.

They say they run hot

But they're cold to the touch.

They say they'll help

But only if you

Are properly grateful

And act like they do.

I saw the cracks.

They started to form

In childhood drama.

In the times before.

And now you shattered.

I see the pattern.

I'm overcome with hate.

Your mind has gone,

And still they run,

Left you in this state.

They left you to rot.

They left you to rot.

They left you to rot

How long will it take?

They left you alone

Until you would break.

They entered your space

Decades too late.

They entered your life,

Thinking they're great. 

But you cannot fake

That many mistakes.

No you cannot fake 

That many mistakes. 

They left you fuming,

They left you angry.

Words spilling out

For everyone to see.

All you wanted 

Was to be happy.

All you wanted

Was to free.

Without judgement, 

With all glee.

All you wanted

Was to just be.

That was enough for the world

To harm your soul and leave you hurt.

And that was enough for your soul

To forget how it used to be whole.

We should be sorry.

Space

I counted seconds on my fingers,

Until their was no space.

Time made hours out of minutes,

Created weeks from all the days.

But all that was for nothing,

Nothing at all has changed.

You're still screaming at the walls

That you yourself had raised.

Oh my friend you are so lost.

Reached the end of a line you couldn't cross.

Reached the end of your mind and at a cost.

We made space in our lives just for you

Tried to clear all the mess out of it too,

It feels like the best thing to do.

So you can find your way.

So you can be ok.

I told your tears to go back up,

Told all your demons to go home.

I aired the screams that roamed your halls

By opening the windows.

How many times can I break my heart?

I can't go through life with my fingers crossed.

I can't go through life with dried tear ducts.

We made space in our souls just for you.

Tried to clear all the webs out of it too,

Just so someone could make good use

Out of our lives.

Access undenied.

Will it mend or will it fall apart?

Not knowing tears my mind apart.

Can't try again and go back to the start.

We made space in our hearts for you

Tried to clear all the ghosts out of it too,

File away those memories to make room.

You don't even have to knock.

All we have love.

Since the day

My friend how I miss you,

But I can take the hits.

I've been scratching at my own lips,

Just to keep them split.

Pinching at the bruises,

And where you left your marks. 

My legs keep running to you

But you left us in the dark.

Sometimes I think you're reaching out your hand, 

Just to hear you scream that you don't need help,

And…

I have been counting minutes

Since the day you got lost.

I have been trying the hardest

To give it everything I got.

And still I ran on empty,

Never able to make the cut.

Now we turned to everything 

That you no longer want.

There is no way to block the danger 

You don't want to see.

But I find myself struggling 

To just leave it be.

I don't want your heart

On the path of harm

But that's where you're going.

I have been counting seconds

Since the last day you were here. 

I have been running fumes 

Riding this in full gear.

No wonder I am empty

No longer able go take the stear.

It's all just your spit and insults

From here on out, my dear. 

I have been counting spirals 

Since the moment you took your fall.

I have been running on scratches

And I think I gave it my all.

But it is no longer on me

To make the call.

To take you out of hell.

To stop the downward crawl.

I will be here waiting,

And so will we all.

Keeping open our wounds,

Breaking down your walls. 

It's you now.

Weeping Willow

 

You’re sneaky like a heart attack.

Always sneaking back in my life like that.

Leaving your footprints over my dirt

And telling everyone I am the one that hurt

You, ah yes, I am the one to blame.

This has always the set up of the game

And I am not here to play.

That’s ok.

Bet you didn’t think of that.

I sleep soundly knowing nothing of you.

You can’t take my peace away from me, I do

Not think you grasp that this is over.

It was over so many years ago,

But you keep on creeping 

And oh God you keep on peeping.

And you keep on hurting,

And you will never stop blaming,

But I already thought of that.

I am always one smile away

Of being absolutely okay.

I am not fascinated by anything else.

My tears do not well

Up for you and they have never done.

Stay forgotten. Stay gone. Be wrong.

I don’t care anymore.

I locked all the doors

To me and I’m so glad I thought of that.

I sleep soundly in the silence.

I sleep soundly and at peace.

Your mind is only violence,

And my mind is at ease.

I smile easily in the light,

I smile easily in the breeze.

Your mind is only destruction,

And my heart is at peace.

What is in your mind

 

Shut the door

Right into my face.

Someday I won’t believe I deserve it

But that is not today.

Shut the gates

Against the rain.

Scream at us that we’re the torrent

If it makes you feel ok.

You touch the dark and hope for light.

You spit in our faces and think that makes it alright.

You close the door.

Close the blinds.

Close your heart

And close your life.

Close your soul

And leave us behind. 

Like we don't know

What is in your mind.

Like we don’t know

What is in your mind.

Coil around and

Hit us like a snake.

We don’t mind the venom,

The foundations didn’t shake.

My heart was already broken, my lip already split.

I have spent my entire life preparing for another hit.

This is nothing new.

So close the door.

Close the blinds.

Close your heart

And close your life.

Close your soul

And leave us behind. 

Like we don't know

What is in your mind.

Like we don’t know

What is in your mind.

We already know

What is in your mind.

Miss

 

I think that I miss you,

But I don’t know what it is I miss.

My lips are forming bruises

And I took every hit.

No I think I do know,

But if I think too hard you’re gone.

I will see that moment,

Spring up again like it has always done.

My feelings hit me fully formed.

In a single heartbeat everything transformed.

Do you even remember?

Hello miss sunshine,

I think I saw you smile.

Somewhere in the 

Broken memories

I covered with denial.

Just so I can quiet my mind.

Just so I can heal.

I have no space

Right now 

To explore what I feel.

Hello miss stormcloud

I can still feel the rain.

Are you still covered

In the darkness

That has lefts it stains?

Are you still holding

On to the empty

Inside your brain,

Or are you holding

It up for all of us to see?

I think that I miss you,

And I would gladly take the hit.

But my lips are healing bruises

And they’re no longer split.

And I think I know 

That the day has yet to come.

Where I will accept that moment.

That I knew you were finally gone.

The silence is loud and fully formed.

A part of me will always remain transformed.

But do you remember?

Hello miss sunshine,

I know that you can smile.

Despite all the

Broken memories

You covered with denial.

One day you quiet your mind.

And all of us can heal.

But I have no space

Right now 

To explore what you feel.

Hello miss stormcloud

I know it still rains.

And you’re covered

In the darkness

That has left it stains.

Please let go

Off the empty

Inside your brain,

Or hold it up

For all of us to see?

We will be waiting.

Backstory

My darling, I don't know what you heard.

But I felt so much these days,

I no longer hurt.

I ripped my soul and left it stunned.

I have to admit that I no longer care.

About what you say or do,

You don't want me there. 

I numbed the feelings in my head.

Just villainize me if that's what you want.

I will still love you, always,

Even if you truly can't. 

I can live with my breaking heart. 

The you in you right now does not exist.

My friend, you need help,

Whatever you insist.

And I'll accept that I might not be it.