I can hear you, asshole

Hands keep falling down like rain.

Screams that resonate in my ear.

Nights interrupted by the sound of pain

Have become all that I can hear.

I am finding my way through anger,

I am choking my tears like drinks.

I am having nighttime visions that gather

In which I swallow you up in a blink.

The protection of a life living.

Fists that have turned into knots.

A return of violence given.

A soul for a soul if you must.

You have the confidence of someone who thinks,

That we will ignore the way you are screaming.

That the world will not be listening in.

That you will always win.

Think again, my dear.

Fuck your facade

Do you know that I can see right through you?

Your smile doesn't reach your eyes like its supposed to. 

You're lying through your teeth and make it look easy,

And your greetings settle on me like they're greasy.

You're a trauma response in a leather jacket.

All fake smiles and thinking we will get it.

What's behind closed doors is not closed off.

I can hear your anger reverberating through the walls.

Fists and screams 

And faux alibis,

Downing that bottle 

Of cornerstone whiskey.

Until you see red,

Until you forget 

All inhibitions 

That you never had.

I can hear them landing.

I can hear the screaming. 

I can hear everything

Except you stopping.

I can hear the moments

That broke the innocence.

I wish my pen was a weapon

So I could write you to an end. 

You're nothing new.

You're a story as old as time

And it's a knowledge I already knew.

I have years of practice of holding my breath the longest….

Waiting

Two erratic heartbeats won't become a

Solid steady one, won't slow down, 

Won't become a story we want to tell.

Your fists didn't replace the beating 

Of my heart. It was just a beating.

The stories we tell

Convinced me I could save you.

If I could just love harder. 

Be better. 

Stay softer.

I jumped in front of Medusa for you

And you blamed me for turning to stone.

For being too hard.

Too unreachable. 

Was there truly another way for me to survive?

I have since melted,

By Medusa's administrations

(Who understood, victim to victim,

How unlovable love can be).

And I've learned to 

Be loved harder,

Expect better, 

Enjoy softer.

You have stayed the same.

Fake smiles,

All teeth,

Always somewhat unreachable,

Unfortunately, still not dead.

Are you waiting for me to safe you?