zaterdag 27 mei 2023

Backstory

My darling, I don't know what you heard.
But I felt so much these days,
I no longer hurt.
I ripped my soul and left it stunned.

I have to admit that I no longer care.
About what you say or do,
You don't want me there. 
I numbed the feelings in my head.

Just villainize me if that's what you want.
I will still love you, always,
Even if you truly can't. 
I can live with my breaking heart. 

The you in you right now does not exist.
My friend, you need help,
Whatever you insist.
And I'll accept that I might not be it.

vrijdag 26 mei 2023

At dawn we run

 

Spin me a tale and tell me you care.

I don’t mind that you are lying.

I just want to have the illusion

That someone out there is trying.


At dawn I run

Headfirst into the brick wall

But I won’t stop,

It’s something I have never done.


It’s time they step aside for us.

It’s time that they make space.

We are not going anywhere.

And we will no longer be erased.


Move your story out of the way.

Your time to shine has gone.

We will no longer be here for you to break.

It’s our time in the sun.


At dawn we run,

And we will never stop.

donderdag 25 mei 2023

I am coming for what they took

 

It should be known,

I should be known to all.

Suddenly we lost control,

Imminent for a fall.


It should be known,

Yes it should be known.

You carried the weight 

And you often did it all alone.


It should be better,

It should be better than this.

But all life gave was a

A kiss with a fist.


I should be better,

Yes we all should know.

But their explanations come

As my patience goes.


Do they think it’s better?

Do they think it’s better

To be left alone in your head?

Is it better on that side?

Where the people run to hide

The semblance of truth

And leave us all for dead?


Do you think it’s better?

Do you think it’s

Better like this?

To leave someone alone

To their own stones,

Until my heart

And my brain no longer fits


My peace is fading,

All they did was taking.


Your everything is breaking

And my anger is pulsating.


The foundation is shaking,

And I am coming for what they took.

dinsdag 23 mei 2023

Nighttime Thinking

Hello, you,
What are you doing there?
Are you bottling up the world into your care?
To hide it away somewhere?

Hello you,
Have you found someone to talk you down?
To paint a smile out of a frown?
Relax the stress out of your mouth?

Don't want to see you break
Carrying a world that's much too late
Carrying a world that only takes
And never sees you.

That doesn't appreciate 
The way you bend into a space.
We should have hold your place.
We should have.

Hello you,
Have you tried to catch a breath?
To take it in and let your mind rest?
Will it help you with all of it?

Don't want to see you burn,
For a world that doesn't return
This big favor you have earned
With your soul.

Everyone was too late.
To help you erase all of the mistakes.
They could have tried to stay.
They could have.

Are you ok?
I no longer know what to say. 
Is this helping you in anyway?
Just tell me you're safe.

Hello you,
Sometimes I don't know what to do.
I don't have all the answers, never did too.
I'm simply a confident fool.

Hello you,
The night is young and my brain is full.
My edges are sharp while the blade is dull.
I hope you sleep till your tears no longer fall.

So what's next?
Life will start after the rest.
We could have your place set.
And for you, we will.

zaterdag 13 mei 2023

The worst enemy

Hungry again.

I always find myself ending here.

Looking at your number. 

Never dialing, my dear.

I prefer fantasy. 

(It won't hurt me)


So touch deprived.

The scent of flesh is all I need.

It's OK that you lied.

Forget. Delete.

Even if I still feel it.

(And I do)


You're the craving on my skin.

Always.

I think I feel it drip drip down.

I'm covered in sin.

Always.

And my head's turned upside down.


But God the pain is suffocating me.

Why did you tell me it was alright?

I swear I heard you promise me my life. 

Down I fall and forever I bleed

For you.

Just like they said I could.


They claimed I will go to hell for this.

Well hell will keep me warm.

Warmer than you ever did

Anyway.  And I gladly take the blame.


They claimed their kicking won't hurt.

It didn't as much as yours did.

It's just their way of keeping lines blurred.

I'm a demon for the same reason you're not.


Their idea of God is suffocating me.

Why did they say he was love and light?

They swear they're saving my life.

But down I go to freely bleed

I turned fool.

Just like they believe I should.


Why do they hate us 

For wanting that toxic love like they do?

The fire and passion 

And the feeling of being fooled?


Why do they deny us

Becoming just as broken as they are?

They only want us perfect

And I'm unable to get that fucking far.


Why do they claim us

All to them motherfucking selves.

Stop wanting my attention.

I no longer know the last time I felt well.


Break me.

Just fucking break me.

Just like my father, 

Keep me destroyed.

Turn your eyes,

Make me a weapon

And keep me deployed.

Break me, 

fucking break me.

But I won't win you 

Your war today. 

I know where I belong.

Your welcome

Long overstated. 


Just shut up and suffocate me.

Your image of God was never fucking mine.

I don't owe you my own life.

I slide down easily, so willingly.

And so do you.

Just like I knew you would. 

donderdag 11 mei 2023

Reminiscent

You aren't allowed behind my eyes.
The curtains are closed and you believed the lies.
I'm not here to offer you a second view.
They came to push me off, and so did you.

I told you I was in pain.
You lied to me than blogged my story,
It was so inane.

I told you I wasn't believed.
You said you did but then the truth hit,
And so I grieved.

I grieved the things that you were really not.
All those years of friendship, or so I thought.
You blamed my body for your own failure.
You blamed my silence for what, I'm not sure.

But always you pop up.
I have no more feelings that need healing,
And I need you to stop.

Pop goes the weasel, 
But the weasel is blocked.
I'm done with cryptic messages, 
With being pulled back 
Under your wheels. 

This little piggy stayed home,
Broken from too much bending,
But warming my bones.
Yeah If I stayed your friend,
I would have always been alone.


dinsdag 9 mei 2023

Your churches are burning, your pews are emptying

 

Did you come here to tell me your story?

Did you come here to tell me how mine will end?

Cause honestly, I have heard it all before,

And I'm so very tired of the demands.


Did you come here with your explanations?

I'm so very tired of the space you take,

And I find myself beyond done

With the destruction you leave in your wake.


Break your heart down, it’s time.

The world doesn’t revolve around you, 

You’re not the bottomline.


You’re not the centre of it all.

Breaking down the spirit of people

Who were already falling.


Falling with the splinters of life.

But here you come, 

Ready to twist the knife

Again.


God, something I wish I wasn’t me.


Do not fold your hands in supplication for me.

I want to be the lost cause and that’s ok.

But you force yourself down my throat and I choke,

I am at the end of my rope and the edges fray.


Always a prayer away from what you call your love.

The burning down of everything I want.

Ever wondered why your churches are burning?

Emptying on the sound of boots stamping nonchalantly.


This is not the way to get them to come back.

You can not get an audience

By becoming more of what you lacked.


Grow on your own dime,

Not on my time.

You have no claim 

On what's mine.

I unpolitely decline.