Hindsight is 2020

You have told me in many ways

That all of me means nothing.

You ignored in many ways 

My voice that was aching.

You turned your back to me

And returned right back to normal. 

Me just trying to survive 

You happily called delusional. 

You build your self esteem

Out of corpses and dust.

Being better than us 

Is all that you want.

And I am still trying to scream

Into a void of make belief.

And I am still trying to make you see.

You might be dying alongside me.

You would be happier if I died.

One last breath and eyes open wide.

Saying otherwise would be a lie.

You would be happier with me gone.

So your life could just trot along.

Living your lie wouldn't feel so wrong.

You would be happier if I stopped. 

Being healthy is all you got.

So you happily let it rot

Just to proof a point.

Did you proof your point?

Small town gossip

Count the scars of my arms

If you want my story.

Spread my blood like gossip

And hide my poetry. 

You got to know what you did

Was totally see-

Through.

But I am not the patience

That you can wear thin.

The threadbare clothes 

That scratched on skin.

You have no right to

My suffering

Brain.

You always chose his story 

Over my simple truth.

So confident in the belief

That he wouldn't do it to you.

Small town life hides hurt

And it hides him too

Well.

I left it all behind

Cause I needed to breath.

So tell me I lie 

About the things he did to me.

Small town lies thrives

On gossip and make believe.

Keep me out of it.

Altijd hetzelfde

Ik geloof niet meer in menselijkheid.

Ik geloof niet in de kracht van velen.

We breken af en dan hebben we spijt.

Creëren open wonden die niet helen.

Eigenlijk verandert er niet echt iets.

Worden wij als mens niet echt beter.

We praten tot we niets meer zien.

Tot ons woord niet langer iets betekent.

We zeggen dat we niet liever willen

In deze wereld dan vrede.

Maar we draaien om in stilte

Terwijl zij hun hart uit schreeuwen.

Papieren waarschuwingen

Die vast zitten in hun kelen.

De manier waarop jullie zwijgen,

Dat spreekt pas echt boekdelen.

Erasure

 

Two bodies in the grass.

One moment that was up for grabs.

One hand on my hands

Your other spelling out a demand.

Your hand moved freely,

Finding the silence that you need.

This pressure I feel

Will spend years of my time poisoning me.

Now I carry scars on those hands 

From twenty thousand times washing them.

And still I can't get you off.

I should be angry but still I am not.

I blame myself because that is all I got.

The scars climbing up my arm as I ran.

I ran from my memories.

And I ran from my mind.

I ran from my heart 

As I left the pieces behind.

I ran from commitment

And I ran like a fool.

I ran from the pressure

I ran and ran as I knew

I couldn’t close the distance from you.

But still I ran for….

Decades of my life.

Hiding memories I denied.

But I couldn’t make myself lie.

Here it was again, you and I.

And as I got back in my body for another time.

Watched the scene unfold through my own eyes.

I hope this time it is you that dies.

To dust

 

Always falling now.

Every day is the same.

I watch the world burning

On the breath they gave

To heal the wounded

And lift the breathless up.

I bear witness to lives

Crumbling into dust.

And when they run out

Of the breaths they gave

To keep  us warm, you come 

To carry their limbs away.

Why are they cries for help

Answered with a world of silence?

I bear witness to a world 

Burying their resilience.

Can you not hear the hands of the clock moving forward?

And how even those hands are asking you to stop?

To stop and listen to the stories you are erasing?

But your barbed wire hearts are tearing them apart.

“It’s every man for themselves” is what you said.

And they wouldn’t even have a moment to scream in anger.

Cause if they dared to have any of the feelings

You will call their dead silent bodies the aggressors.

And as the hands move forward,

And as eyes turned heavenward

The clock moves another hand.

Do you hear them call?

Do you hear them at all?

One minute to the next bomb falls

One minute to the next bomb falls…

Are you counting them yet?

Counting the wounded 

And counting the limbs

And counting the dead children.

Counting the blown buildings.

Counting the once loved people

That are now left alone

And the places once called home.

Counting the hearts turned stone

And the once that are broken.

Counting the excuses politicians

Wants us to fall asleep in.

Counting the lies that they tell

And the sounds that sound like hell

And counting the people under their spell

Counting the days until we can’t count them at all…….

Always falling now.

Every day is the same.

I watch you all fall silent.

As silent as the breaths they gave.

You forgot the wounded

And put other stories up.

So you won’t need to bear witness

To their lives crumbling to dust.

Heart

 

I have seen your heart and it is not breaking.

I have seen your soul and it is not there.

It told me it was never watered.

It tells me you forgot to care

For it.

The leaves turned brown and you didn’t notice.

The stems wilted and you never felt a thing.

Your life just seemed to go on.

The loss barely stinged

You.

When your heart comes back to summer,

If it comes back to summer at all?

Will you then mourn the loss?

Or will you just wait for fall

Again?

Tuesday

What are you going to do if 

Your only prospect in life 

Is fight or die?

What are you going to do if

Your only choice is resist

Or be traumatised?

You say they made 

Their own bed but I say

It's a fucking lie.

It doesn't matter

What you deny,

It's a genocide. 

You spend these years

Creating and building them.

They were born in 

The silence of death 

And it was deafening. 

What did you expect 

Would be happening? 

Their ears still ring from

All the shots you took.

I won't condemn the thing 

You condemned them too.

Terror from a state 

Is terrorism by another name. 

It's not called surprising. 

It's called another Tuesday being the same.