6 feet under

 

There is no healing after someone dies.

But they keep trying and their trying lies.

6 foot under and still broken,

Still broken by them.

They mocked you right into oblivion,

Then forgot their crudeness to mourn.

6 foot under and forgotten,

Forgotten memories.

Regret does not keep people breathing.

They were horrible and there is no denying,

But empathy gets buried 6 feet under.

I wish someone told you you were magnificent.

I wish someone told you to stay.

But they took all they could from you

And watch you fade.

You were dollar signs and unmolded clay.

A raw talent that they could just chip away.

Buried hopes and still moments

Still haunting our minds.

You were made of everything left behind.

Wasting away in the arms of everything unkind.

Buried hopes and wasted dreams.

Wasting away dreams.

Cigarette butts in empty bathtubs

Setting light to old movie stubs.

Remember our buried hopes?

I wish someone told you you were beautiful 

I wish someone told you the way

But you went back to black

And they got paid.

I wish someone told you you could live.

That you don’t need to give everything.

Tears don’t need to dry on their own.

Waiting for another sting.

Desire me in 5XL

 

Oh baby, insult me please.

I just lick my fingers and wait.

I can see why you hate me.

You just want a taste.

You said you wouldn’t fall for me.

It wasn’t on you to make the call.

Your heart is racing when I’m all you see.

You can’t hide your secret at all.

You said that I was unlovable

While secretly liking my pictures.

My fat body is desirable

You can tell me if that hurts.

You want to eat me like a dinner bowl.

Lick it clean and have your fill.

Come for seconds to have another go.

Call it a cheat day if you will.

You want to keep turning me around.

Bury your belief between my thighs.

So I can silence all the sounds

That you make when you lie.

You want a me in your closet.

A little secret that you can hide away,

But there is something you don’t get.

Babe, let’s set the record straight.

You are highly unlikable, love.

You are oozing hate and it stinks.

My throne is placed high above

The ground on which you’re kneeling.

Stay in the past

 

You keep telling me I am not forthcoming.

But I honestly don’t know what you want to hear.

Didn’t you like the taste of my trauma?

Or did the drama make you crave for more?

My past is not for my dear.

But whether or not you want to believe me,

Please understand the reason that I shut the door

Right into your smiling face, 

Slowly breaking your manicured nails

As my heart rose off  the floor.

If I turned my back on your threats barely veiled

You would have sunk those nails in my back.

Drowning out my resistance,

Making me grant all of your wishes.

And I can no longer crack.

I never wanted the power you promised me.

It was the promise of violence that made me fall deep.

It reminded me of the memories I couldn’t keep.

Of the child I could not be.

I never wanted the fame you sold to me.

All I was looking for was some familiarity.

A threat of a slap was all I needed to see

I was falling into cycles known to me.

You were the abuse people said would never leave.

The idea that I earned everything coming my way.

That I was so bad as a person,

Unworthy of the love others got for free.

But this isn’t ok.

I am not perfect but I never claimed to be.

Unworthier persons than me are treated with more dignity.

I deserve some love like everyone…

I deserve some peace and rest.

Just let me rest up a little please.

I don’t want to remember anymore.

Go. Go. Please go. Stop leaving the door,

Open.

You can always tell

 

The he and she are equally highlighted.

My comments, equally divided.

I am toeing the fine line into confusion.

What the hell am I but an illusion?

Some say my pussy is designer?

Some say it’s homemade and I am lying.

I will give my compliments to my mother.

It was her recipe but why bother?

Stare some more at my chest while you’re at it.

Maybe the answer is there, but I doubt it.

You’re in my pants like we know each other well.

While reminding me that you can always tell.

I wonder who of us is the harasser.

Who without consent is the one who asks her,

Him and them about their genitals?

Only one of us is making this thing sexual.

Your love's a suicide

 

Wake me up before the end will come,

I want to feel the darkness on my skin.

I want to let the last notes of music in.

Wading through the dirt of existence.

I just want to feel something that is real.

Something that other people also feel.

As long as I do not need to remember,

I will take the jump and forget to fly.

I am overcome with the need to die.

But if I could just be normal right now,

I might just be ok.

I might just want to live for a single day.

Dad, why did you need to break me?

I am regaining more of my memories.

The smallest things you did to break the trust.

To learn I will never be enough.

Like everything you and mom had a fight.

Your suitcase empty, you pretended your goodbye.

Just so we could beg and cry.

Just to be hero for not leaving in the dark of night.

What do you think that does with a little girls mind?.

And now I am holding all of myself back,

So no one will see the bits that I lack.

All the things I should have learned from my dad.

I filled all of it in with play pretend.

I have become so good in hiding the cracks 

I didn't know that wasn't normal.

Those memories I have that feels so small.

Compared to the size of your knife. 

I didn't know that other's didn't know.

That sense of security crushed beneath soles.

It was easy to blow up our lives.

Holding our hand and then breaking it.

Putting out fires you yourself had lit.

I still remember your fists. 

I don’t think I will ever forget everything.

The memories I have leave me choking

In my own goddamn spit.

Those fires you lit never stopped their fire.

You were wrong again and you were a liar.

You left me feeling that I needed to die.

But you don’t deserve my dead and neither do I.

Wanneer werd liefde haat?

 

“Dor hout, dor hout gemaakt om te sterven.

Is jouw zwakte iets wat we kunnen erven?

Je houdt ons laag, je haalt ons neer.

"Sterf gerust opnieuw nog een keer.”

Je hart is als dat een moeder dat haar kinderen achterlaat.

Wanneer ze niet perfect zijn of in haar evenbeeld geschaapt.

Jouw hart is als een hart druipend met haat.

Het liefde noemen maakt het niet opeens volmaakt.

Je schreeuwt in mijn gezicht dat mijn tijd is gekomen.

Mijn naam hoort tussen de namen van de doden.

Draai je vervolgens om om de wereld te omarmen.

Terwijl de haat je spieren nog steeds spannen.

En in elkaars armen zing je over jouw daden.

Je noemt jouw haat een spirituele ontwakenen.

Jij bent het verzet en oh jij bent de held,

En je danst jezelf rond in de waan van overgave.

En oh je danst en oh je zingt en oh je viert het leven.

En je naam werd synoniem met een hart om te geven.

Totdat het iemand is als ik die je je sympathie moet schenken.

Onze zielen zijn meer waard dan jullie ooit zullen weten.

Jouw liefde is een vermomming voor grommende tanden.

Vuisten die connectie zoeken met blozende wangen.

Je zegt het goed te bedoelen en dat is het wrange.

Jij knijpt het leven uit anderen mensen hun harten.

Je viert al wat de natuur jouw kant opstuurde

En dan spuug je in gezichten en bouw je de muren.

Segregeer zwak en sterk in historische contouren.

Een geschiedenis waar je op voor wil voortborduren.

Maar oh nee oh nee, noem het beestje niet bij zijn naam.

Dat is pas gemeen en daar moeten we niet voor staan.

Dat jullie ons dood willen, dat is gewoon normaal.

Maar oh wee als we opkomen voor ons bestaan.

Nee we kunnen beter dansen, we kunnen beter feesten

Op de kennis dat jullie ons het leven willen ontnemen.

We kunnen beter blij zijn met de dingen die wij wel hebben,

Want er is geen adem meer om nog aan ons te geven.