The Floating

 

My heart are you there?

I think I am floating.

I am in the air,

Crashing on waves.

My body are you travelling?

My anxious heart rate

Has finally been lessening.

Am I finally ok?

I always wanted to see the world.

Am I going to see the world?

Where are we going?

I can hear the ocean now.

Are we on a boat?

Are we leaving the continent?

Are we going remote?

Or will we visit the home of Fred Astaire?

Am I going to be accepted there?

I am the body,

I am the body,

I am the body,

That’s still dreaming.

My hope are you there?

I’m no longer hurting.

Would people care

If I won’t come home?

Can I go and visit

Where they don’t curse me?

Just give me this

For a single moment.

I want to be where I am not different.

Why am I someone different?

Are we going?

Did I just hear a plane

Land in my thoughts?

Are we doing the things

They told me I should not?

Am I going to climb mountains today?

Am I going to live my way?

I am the body between the waves,

I am the body between the waves,

I am the body between the waves,

And I am lost.

I think I just want to catch my breath,

Why can I not catch my breath?

Am I still breathing?

Why can’t they simply

Leave me alone?

Skip me away over water

Like a flat stone.

And now their words will haunts me forever.

Like a ghost I am lost forever.

I became the knuckles

With the bruises,

The simple lies 

That society abuses.

I have never before felt so hurt.

So I hide my mind, and visit the world.

I am the body between the waves on the beach.

I am the body between the waves on the beach.

I am the body between the waves on the beach

That society didn’t want.

My transness is beauty

 

Tell me what I've done

To deserve those eyes on me,

Judgmentally 

Burning

Right through the back of 

My skull. I have been

Running 

Away from you for this

Exact reason.

Denied my existence 

For 30 fucking years.

I feared

You.

I fucking feared you.

I was your she to not see,

Your her to hurt.

You. Were. Violence.

I didn't know 

I didn't know

I didn't know 

For so long

Hiding in the closet

Afraid to call 9 1 1

For they might come

For me too.

I didn't know but I knew

I wasn't supposed to be this.

A hit and miss

Sort of child.

I didn't get it.

I didn't get why I was wrong.

But now you come to tell me

When I finally feel right.

When I finally feel alive.

You call me 

and my trans friends

A plague

And a scurge,

The end

To everything you know

In your little bubble.

So you demand

A purge.

A reset, A

Redo, A new

Purpose for being

A grade a

Weapon of 

Deadly harm.

Because you are only happy

When we are not.

You will only smile

When we are thought

Dead.

An eradication process

Happening. 

And just like me,

Just like me,

You don't know why

You need to be a certain way. 

You just think that's 

The way it's always been.

It's not.

Worlds of me have

Always existed.

Worlds of me have

Always shone. 

Brightening 

Our hiding

With pieces of our soul.

My transness is beautiful. 

My transness was always 

Beautiful. 

Too much so

For you desired me grey.

So you can look away now.

You should look away.

Stop making me the centre of

Your world. 

I am the centre of mine. 

Stop making my existence 

About you.

Create your own

Goddamn limelight.

Stop saying trans people 

Steal your thunder 

While you hold Mjolnir 

In your right hand

And slapped me with the left.

My live is not the theft

Of yours.

Unless this violent discourse

Is the only thing

You have.

You made that bed yourself. 

My transness is beautiful. 

My transness has always been.

Because being yourself 

Deserves to be seen.

We deserve to be.