December day

Broken fingers on display,

I am spelling my misfortune out.

Something broke inside my brain 

And I lost the ability to cry.

That cold day in December,

Turned my body into a cage.

And to make sure that I remember,

Thinking is all that I can do.

I no longer know how to get through the day.

I no longer know how to find the words.

And every day stays exactly the same,

While it rains inside my head.

I think

I'm depressed. 

Power

Is my body not enough 

If it isn't touched

The way yours is touched?

Did their fingers leave a mark?

A scent I can't get rid off?

Is my body not asking

For me to dig my fingers in?

To find a way to bring

Your soul to an uprising?

I also am not free of sin,

At least according to them.

I think a lot about that.

How they say I'm not heaven send.

And you are here to tell

I can't send you to heaven

As well just of what I am.

Not the right way of Not man.

Funny that.

The only difference 

Between you and them?

Power.

severe ME day

The calendar has changed its time.

Another day passed in this consuming fire.

The planet has changed position but not I.

I'm rusted into bed watching daylight 

Slow dancing with the night. 

I wake my mind with my new desires.

Just to live another day with the same plans.

And sometimes I think I might be liar

Because I want my body to be lying.

God, it feels like slowly dying.

Ideas turn to ashes in my head,

Colours are bleeding out of my hands. 

Sometimes my mouth tastes like death 

And I'm not really living a life.

Just a very prolonged goodbye.

All the things I want snatched away.

And although I cannot abide the silence,

My mouth chews the words I want to say.

Am I truly rotting away my life?

Just existing waiting my time?

But life won't catch up to the years.

No matter how good I am at standing still

And waiting, I'm not breathing life into my fears

If it is simply the reality that I live.

I'm holding out for a wish.

Busy hands

Two busy hands

On the side walk,

Scraped.

You ask me 

About the taste

Of yours.

I just like their shape.

“While you're 

Down there, you 

Can chalk your fate.”

I already know 

It, babe.

It is other days

Spend on my knees

On the sidewalk

Praying you away.

I still remember 

The way

You looked at me

20 years too late.

I had yet to learn then

How to feel safe.

But today?

Today I'll be OK.