21 months of this

 

Sew my name on my tongue.

You keep losing the plot.

You tell me you did nothing wrong

And then turn around destroying me.

Stop asking if I do not mind

To carry the burden of your life.

Just so you can leave me behind

To become the one that burns.

I cannot keep doing this.

Just take me down and make a wish.

I cannot keep carrying this.

But I turn my cheek and take the hit.

 

'Cause 

I'm falling too deep

Through the cracks

Of the earth. 

I'm falling asleep

Near the roots

And the dirt.

And

I’m falling too hard

And I cannot

Find my brakes.

I’m falling apart,

One more break

Is all it takes.

But I put my red dress on,

And 'cause you want me too,

I perform.

But I put my best smile on,

And 'cause you want me too,

I perform.

But I put my best death on,

And 'cause you want me too,

I disappear.

Have you ever seen

 

Have you ever seen

Someone drown on dry land?

Have you ever seen

Someone being alone 

In the middle of the masses?

Have you ever seen

Someone coming to term

With how long they will last?

I have being waiting for this.

The culmination of your lack of care.

You marking on the calender

The day you wanted me dead.

I have been waiting for you

To spit into my face some more.

Your feet behind my door,

To come and finally find me.

Cause I have seen you

Volunteer up your own breath

To ruin the one in my chest.

Cause I have seen you

Turn yourself scientist to

Isolate and create an impact.

Cause I have seen you

Silence my already 

Voiceless scream, as simple as that.

I was expecting this from you.

In your mind I am a volunteer,

That stole everything you held dear

With underlying suffering.

I was expecting all of this

To come to such a high cascade.

A free fall into your hate.

Fuck it all, we are all so late.

We will never get out of this

If you don’t confront your own lies.

But you rather wait until you or I die.

Silence

 

Oh honey, I see you.

Oh honey, I see you so.

I won’t go, I won’t go, I won’t go.

You knew you were happy once, but it faded

Back to the background, where is seems to stay

With all the bits of your sanity that seems to remain.

You hoped the pain in your head remained a memory.

A shitty piece of the bad stuff in your history.

But there you are, crying and screaming again.

Please brain, please be silent

You beg, visions before your closed eyes.

No matter how much you try to smile,

Your body remains a broken thing

That just lies there.

There you just lie.

You’re lying in the crumbs of yesterday’s meal.

Your tears have dried but still you can’t see

Past the water that has formed in your eyes.

Waking up to the sound of a singular beat

Drumming to last nights disastrous lack of sleep

And asking of life the silence you desperately need.

But your brain, it won’t go silent

And you see horrors every time you close your eyes.

No matter the distraction you try to conjure,

Your body is the only silent thing.

And there you lie,

There, you just lie.

They all can see the mask that is breaking

And all the years of happy memories just flaking

Away into the wind cause you aren’t allowed them.

You fill your ears with music to try to understand

What is that that dark dog seems to demand

Of you but all it offers is a different noise.

Cause your brain doesn’t know silence.

You hallucinate onto the lids of your eyes.

My body the only unmovable thing.

The story is mine.

Here, I just lie.

Oh honey, I see you.

Oh honey, I see you so.

But sometimes I wish I would leave myself alone.