Throat

 

I have come to the conclusion long time ago,

That repeating myself never served a purpose.

And now I finally crossed the junction of no turning back.

Thought my life would be emptier without you, but lo

And behold, it seems I just gained myself in the process.

I couldn’t build on all the things that you lack.

But I got to admit that I am still angry sometimes.

I can still feel the oppression deep inside my throat.

You always formed your own conclusions.

Silenced everything that did not fit, all the fucking time.

I swallowed every cell of me until I bloated

And floated on the water of your well intended intrusions.

Why was I the only one who wasn't allowed a voice?

You called your anger justified but mine was always a choice.

Why was I the only one who wasn’t allowed a say?

You waved my name away and called me insane.

Why was I the only one not allowed to be myself?

You kept me in a dented box and away I was shelved.

Why was I the only one never allowed to be distraught?

You just want me to be everything I simply am not.

And I’m not easy.

This I know.

I don’t slide down.

I choke throats.

I’m a ball of fury.

This I know.

I won’t say yes

When I mean: Don’t.

I’m a sticky mess.

This I know.

I will never keep

The pressure low.

I’m not sugar

And this I know.

I won’t be the thing

You hoped.