Social cues

I Wish I could smile like you.

You make it seems so easy.

Just lift the corners up 

And turn to the breeze.

I wish I could talk like you.

All edges sanded smooth.

Energized by existing

In the same breath they do.

But every time I speak to people I feel so alone.

Interpreting meanings I might have gotten wrong.

It's the most exhausting thing I have ever done,

So I observe in silence through the screen on my phone.

Is it charming if I frown?

I feel I already let you down.

(And I don't know,)

Is it hard to be my friend?

I disappoint you until it ends.

(And I won't know,)

Is it hard to match my style?

Just disappear into a smile.

(I did so.)

I wish I could bend like you,

But I'm not soft or easy going.

Can I stowaway in your baggage 

And hope for easy sailing?

Cause you make it look so simple.

The way you talk your talk.

You just hold your emotions 

And take them for a walk.

But every time I try I find new things I just don't know. 

Im like an audience member that became the main show.

Just cause I hold my head up, doesn't mean I fucking know

Anything that I'm supposed to know!

Like how to push my breath into people and not destroy.

Make love to myself in the fog of everything unknown. 

Will I ever stop turning myself to stone?

I don't even know how to be a girl or a boy. 

So yeah, I wish,

I wish I could smile like you.

I just show my teeth 

Like a fucking fool.

Until they disappear

Like they always do.

I'm the distance that

Won't sustain life like you.