Panic

“Hi. Nice to see you. How are things going?”

How's life treating you, how are you doing?

Like it's an easy thing that needs answering.

I'm a broken high voltage wire zapping.

I don't know how to explain this.

The truth is, I'm in a constant state of panic.

What if something happens and I miss it?

I've been looking for words to give.  

I'm just an empty vat of anxiety meds.

My mind wiring away and driving me mad.

All those thoughts send my nerves on a test.

Nights of sleep that I fully lack.

I've been trying to survive.

Riding out the pain on an adrenaline high.

I cried so much you think my tear ducts are dry.

Dissociated just to look alive. 

I've been trying to just get through my day. 

And I can tell you that there is simply no way.

I don't think I will ever be ok.

This hurts deep inside my brain.

This is not a thing I can explain.

That slow fade into feeling completely insane.

I'm bone tired and bone wired, my anxiety stains.

What is you want me to say?

If I let it out, I will break.

If I speak another word to this, I'll be unmade.

There's a limit to how much I can take.

So I'll bottle it up and bury it away.

“I'm as good as can be, you know how life is.”

I lie through my teeth, then smile to sell it.

No one acknowledges the pain, how heavy it sits.

And I slowly stew away in my panic.

I stew away in my panic. 

I stew away in my panic.

Watch me dissolve into panic.

I've been counting the stars every night.

Looked at prayer as another thing to try.

This has me choking on life, I can't lie.

I'm scared out of my goddamned mind.