Nighttime hour

The time has come,

I need to go to sleep.

But in the nighttime hour I weep

Of broken promises

And chances missed.

And it doesn't feel like I exist.

I close my eyes,

I wipe them dry,

Think of everything I need to hide.

You cross my mind

If ever so slightly.

I once thought you could understand me.

Were you a chance missed,

A broken promise,

Or just a dream that couldn't exist?

You've let me go,

And asked me too

Release my every grip on you.

Now I am here,

Between the sheets

As the darkness starts to bleed.

Remembering you,

Just as a thought,

Everything that we were not.

The time has passed,

I should have slept.

But in this nighttime hour,

I only wept. 

Losing my mind

I remember the days that I was blind,
I was drowning in a blink of an eye.
The days turned into weeks and I never noticed
How time can pass you by.
And now that I am here, I don't feel safe.
What can I trust, what of this is real.
I watched all my dreams shatter before my eyes,
And I don't know how to feel.

It's scratching on the walls inside of me,
I fear that I am losing my mind again.
A veil falls before my eyes and I'm not myself anymore,
Too weak to take a stand.
It feels like I am falling away from the earth
And from everything that I hold dear
I don't want to be this insane, to feel like everything's in vain
But I am intoxicated with the fear.

What will happen to the life I want to lead
If I have to start at the beginning once more?
I thought I was starting to believe in myself this time,
But old scars are closing the door.
Do I need to chain myself to the silence?
My head is too crowded for me to live in.
I am trying so hard to drown all the noise and all the pain.
Where's the end to the beginning?

So I stand tall and fake the most perfect smile,
But it still feels like I am made of glass
And I will shatter in an instance, right before their eyes.
Unaware of how long I will last.

Your creed

I dread speaking to you,
Sometimes.
Scenarios unfold
Inside my mind.
You supposed to be my friend,
But you always seem to put me down.
Being around you makes me tense,
I'm never defeated by you.
Is it your deceptive nature?
I don't have the answer.
You always think you're right,
But darling, you aren't tonight.

I avoid whispering,
But I am no fool.
And I wonder if you're blind.
You can't see me for who I am.
I am merely an echo to you,
And you can't find me.
I am hiding beneath the truth,
There's a world
Underneath it.
You don't have me fooled.

And you can't lure me closer,
You are wasting commands.
Because the truth is more
Than you can comprehend.
A chokehold won't help you
Like it did before.
Don't wait for me.
I closed the window
Maybe one day I'll close the door.

Duidelijker

Alles lijkt
Zoveel duidelijker
Wanneer ik
Gek ben.
De wereld snapt mij niet,
en ik de wereld niet.
En ik vraag
Mijzelf
Niet:
Waarom?

Missing you

This was not suddenly
But still it took me completely by surprise
I was not prepared
For the moment that you left
Leaving me with so many unfinished goodbyes

I try to avoid my sorrow
But the memories keep pushing me down
And I am drowning
In my grief and my regrets
The voices in me are screaming out loud

Did I forsake you with the choices that I made
Did I push you away or was this simply our fate

I wish I didn't let you go
I'm so afraid that I never get used to
A life without you in it
A life where in I am left alone

The pain wounds me
Everything pales in comparison
For this moment
You're my newest scar
I can't bring you back, you're gone

I'll never forget you
I'll never forget any of the tears I shed
The scenery unfolded
Before my bare eyes 
Were the darkest dreams that I ever had

There's a hole inside of me that may never heal
And I can't find the words to describe how I feel

You left a mark on me
And I can never erase
Everything that I felt
There's no solution for my pain

Will I shrink into oblivion for you
Will you forget the person that I was
I never knew how frail our moments were
Wishing that they could always last
But I can't hold forever in a chokehold
So I live with the echo's of our past
Slowly turning me into stone, slowly making me numb
My world is changing so incredibly fast

I will attempt to go on
But I feel so out of touch
I loved you so much
I still love you so much

Vervreemding

Ik kijk
met blinde ogen
naar een wereld
die mij
heeft verlaten.
Ik staar
naar een wereld
die mij
niet
wilt zien.
Buiten de maatschappij,
ver weg
van de mensen,
daar is mijn plek.
Een schreeuw
in mijn hoofd; 
zal deze wereld
altijd blijven denken
dat ik anders ben?
Maar
een antwoord
komt niet.
Het is zo stil in de eenzaamheid.