Herfst

Met open ogen staar ik naar de wereld
Die mij met zijn schoonheid verrast,
Elke keer opnieuw,
En ik haal emoties
En herinneringen
Omhoog.
De dagen van tranen
Zijn misschien nog niet voorbij,
De dagen van warmte
Wel.
En ik?
Ik voel mij zwaar voor dit jaargetijde,
Te zwaar
Misschien.
Maar lichter dan toen in het voorjaar
En lichter dan vorig jaar,
Dus ik geniet;
Van de rode en gele bladerpracht
Dat knispert onder mijn voeten.
Van de warme najaarszon
Die later op staat dan ik,
En de duisternis die het brengt.
Van de regendruppels
Die langs mijn ramen naar beneden stromen,
Terwijl ik verlangend naar buiten staat.
Ja ik geniet,
van kaarslicht
En hete thee tussen mijn handen.
In de herfst voel ik altijd weer dat ik leef.

Weight

It's all inside my mind
But still it's tearing me apart
Thoughts that keep repeating
Actions that should never start

And it's all inside my mind
I feel the edges expanding
It takes me over completely
I am not sure who is winning

The decisions that I made weigh heavily on my soul
And I never told you about the innocence that he stole

I want to lose the weight I am carrying
I want to take it all and spit it in your face
And it's just that all my problems are showing
You see, I will kill to make everything better
But I know my recommendations are not that glowing

There's something standing
Between you and me
It's everything else that I am
Will you dare to call me fatty

I kill to make them see
All my different reasons for being
But I just put their weight on me
My eyes are simply closing

You see every name you call me, are ten more inside my head
And I opened my legs for to many judgemental opinions

I just want to lose the weight that I am carrying
And I just really want to talk and share at all
But I still fear the day that I find myself crying
I closed myself off and buried me under the weight
Of the world, and now every drop of blood is crawling

And it's all about losing the weight that I carry
Every pound is a symbol of the life that I have led
Do you have the answer that will set me free
Because I am not breathing, and I am not talking
I just want a smaller heart to bury deep inside me

And I am feeling hopeless
Unguided by the hands of time
And I can't call you mine
Can you not take a guess
To what has happened to my soul
Before you spit your vile
All over my pretty dress
And tell me I will never be whole
Maybe you can't see this
But this all is making me sad
My heart is still beating
For every little thing that I miss

And maybe this isn't all about the weight that you see
But it's about the weight that I carry deep inside
Do you understand that I am still unable to tell the story
Now I am teased, now I am broken, and they are blind
These words unspoken might one day set me free

The kill

Why won't you laugh
You know I am coming
I am going to steal your breath
Best you be running

I am not the type to kill
But I promised you before
That you would be the exception
So don't fall to the floor

And I am already dead, so you don't need to worry
That I will loose my soul, the lines aren't that blurry

And I imagine,
With a smile on my face
The blood running over my hands
Falling down, falling down
So beautiful, so much grace

Do you want to go home
Well I am not letting you alone
Watch the fire in my eyes turn to black
Beneath your headstone

I will leave my body
And run through the darkness in my mind
Just to find you hiding behind

Your old promises
And the lies that you told
Yes, dear, I remembered them all
You gave them all away
Now you became too old

Because you deserve
Your light being switched off
I want to watch your body become cold
Say goodnight to all the stars
Say goodbye to those you never loved

I'm out for the kill
I'm out for blood
I'm out for everything
That you got
Because you were the reason that I fell down
Because of you I never knew where I belonged
And still you won't see me coming, do you
I'll be there before the end of this song

And I am still watching
The blood falling off my hands
As it softly runs along my fingertips
I cry on the beat of the drops
I flame under the memory of your demands

I will cut you out of me
Even if it takes the dullest knife
I will open up all my veins
And bleed you out of my life

And I am already dead, so you don't need to worry
That I will loose my soul, the lines aren't that blurry

Digital infusion

It started as a memory
A complete reverse of how things needed to be

And it started as a dream
But soon reality came seeping through the seems

You weren't perfect but I always knew
Yet you still try to see me as a blinded fool

And now I am empty like a summer-river
And now I am crying out for a helping hand
But you turn your head like you always do
Time is slipping away from us, my friend

Sometimes things will never change
But I won't let you drown me in your agony
Little snakes in the grass biting my feet
I kept my distance but still I can see

Your faked denial
And your superstition
As empty
As your connection
Black as coal
Your eyes closed
Passing me by
Like a ghost
Stuck behind a screen
Reading words
You embrace
Because it hurts

You wear your 360 shades of not caring
But I have seen through them all
And I have watched you fall

Are you even alive with your digital infusion
Am I more than zeros and ones
I remember you cared once

So take my hand and show me your way
I desperately want to be mistaken
Instead you always leave me forsaken

It started as a memory
A complete reverse of how things needed to be

Crowdpleaser

(What are you looking for)

Life is but a performance
Painting on that perfect smile
A mind that rises to the occasion
And lifts you away
But you are in denial

Cause it's never really enough
Every time you hear them ask for more
And it is getting harder to wake up
Silently wishing that
You could close the door

So you are counting the days
The hours and the minutes that lead
You away from who you used to be
And without the answers
You try to move on instead

But the tears come at night when no one sees
How your mask crumbled down
How you fell to your knees

And the crowd is roaring
Carelessly scanting your name
They don't know that you burned long ago
They don't know that you never wished for the fame

Everyone is watching you fall
But no one opens their eyes long enough to see
What is truly happening in front of them
Drowning the pain
Hoping that'll set you free

Oh yes, the crowd is soaring
As you are lifting them up to the skies
For a moment you can pretend you feel better
As you are watching them through your bloodshed eyes

Tell me now, do you feel better
When you hold everything inside
Burning your skin until you die
Over and over again
And I see so much from me in you
I'm watching you outside your mind
How I sometimes wished that I was blind
Your downfall is choking me

With your hands before your face, you try to bury yourself away
And all of the grief, and all of the misery is slowly leading you astray

But the crowd is cheering
So you tell yourself that you don't mind
To pretend to be someone else for the moment
To make that smile your own just for the night

Oh, the crowd is applauding
Your performance was surely magical
But the fear is written deep inside your eyes
Will they still be there for you after your fall

(Is that what you are looking for)