Too much to ask for

I guess you wish I was stronger.

I guess you wish I wasn't weak.

Untraumatised and unbroken,

A little bit more like you.

I guess you wish I was unburdened, 

not the bundle of nerves that I am.

Less likely to lean on anyone,

less mental and more health.

You make me feel so small,

the way you whisper under your breath.

A “ridiculous” and an eye roll

and I suddenly forget 

The ways in which I am strong,

instead I overexplain and apologise. 

My hurt heart bleeding into the darkness,

the tears not escaping my eyes.

And maybe I wish I was stronger,

Less weak, less traumatised.

Maybe less of a burden,

and a bit more like you.

But maybe I want you to see me,

and tell me that the shards are still ok.

Let me be somewhat neurotic.

Let me be wholly myself.

Is that too much to ask for?

To just not feel like I'm too much?

I wish I was smaller.

I wish I was enough.