with your body curled on top of my body,
Mine at peace
and yours seeking comfort,
I found myself praying
that you leave indents all over me,
soft tender spaces
that create memories of how we existed.
My hope was that
if my body remembers you lying there,
exactly the way you were always lying there,
I could velcro those moments into my heart,
I could just touch the memory of you
and know you were there
and not forget
and not be afraid to forget,
because if my body remembers you,
there's no way my mind could not.
And if I had something permanent
that will always remember me of your favourite spot, that your favourite spot was me
I could also tell people your story.
I could say
here's a print of your body and
there was were you often touched me
and this is how I fitted around you
like you and I were
made for each other,
like my body was created just for you.
I could say that I was made for protection,
and all of it was love
and we never knew any different.
And they would believe that
that was how we lived our lives,
in a state that time can not erase,
and I would never have to explain
how my body was your temple
or that I prayed at your altar
or even how heaven was right here.
But the moment never came.
The harsh truth of things is that
time can destroy everything
and it will take up space
and it will grow in between us,
be a before and after,
be life with you and without.
It will take me away from you,
from when you were,
from when we existed
from time overlapping
and….
I can't breathe,
cause this is too much space,
too much too much space.
Although my skin still feels wrong without you,
crawling with a lack of sensations,
empty and split into two pieces
like I'm not made to exist in this way,
the honest truth is that
my brain cannot hold onto memories well,
I'm already forgetting things
and I am unable to forgive myself for it.
In this reality I no longer recall
the way you sounded,
the way you moved,
the way you curled up,
all the ways that
your favourite spot was me.
Instead I'm watching the hours and days come between us. Instead I'm watching the world move on.
