I want the world to stop turning

Every time you were lying there,

with your body curled on top of my body,

Mine at peace 

and yours seeking comfort,

I found myself praying

that you leave indents all over me,

soft tender spaces 

that create memories of how we existed.

My hope was that 

if my body remembers you lying there,

exactly the way you were always lying there,

I could velcro those moments into my heart,

I could just touch the memory of you 

and know you were there

and not forget 

and not be afraid to forget,

because if my body remembers you,

there's no way my mind could not. 

And if I had something permanent

that will always remember me of your favourite spot, that your favourite spot was me

I could also tell people your story.

I could say

here's a print of your body and

there was were you often touched me

and this is how I fitted around you 

like you and I were 

made for each other, 

like my body was created just for you.

I could say that I was made for protection, 

and all of it was love 

and we never knew any different.

And they would believe that 

that was how we lived our lives,

in a state that time can not erase,

and I would never have to explain

how my body was your temple

or that I prayed at your altar 

or even how heaven was right here.

But the moment never came.

The harsh truth of things is that 

time can destroy everything

and it will take up space 

and it will grow in between us,

be a before and after,

be life with you and without.

It will take me away from you,

from when you were,

from when we existed 

from time overlapping 

and….

I can't breathe,

cause this is too much space,

too much too much space. 

Although my skin still feels wrong without you,

crawling with a lack of sensations,

empty and split into two pieces

like I'm not made to exist in this way,

the honest truth is that 

my brain cannot hold onto memories well,

I'm already forgetting things

and I am unable to forgive myself for it.

In this reality I no longer recall

the way you sounded, 

the way you moved,

the way you curled up,  

all the ways that 

your favourite spot was me.

Instead I'm watching the hours and days come between us. Instead I'm watching the world move on.