There is something you don´t know

You said I lied,

I said I hide,

You said you won´t believe me.

You said I blew things up

Right our their proportions

But you think that cause you won´t believe me.

But there are these things you have never seen.

An image in the dark and that image is me.

You said you won´t listen and I don´t think you will watch

And see me lying here so still while the world rushes.

I am lying here in the dark because my body deceives me

And you don´t know.

I can´t bare the light, I can´t bare the sound and I can´t bare the silence either

And you won´t know.

It is my truth, after just 2 things of doing, my punishment for trying to feel alive

And you can´t know.

I live my life in less than half the time I have to spend and it makes me sad

And I don´t think you want to know.

How many times I have spend here crying

Between the sheets inside this room.

How many times I wonder if I should be

More scared for life than I am to die.

How many times I have been trapped here

With my thoughts to roam and how they feel like doom.

How many times I tried to smile and how

Many times I meant it and oh god I try….

And you don´t know the aftermath of everything I tried to do.

And you don´t know the eruption of guilt I feel for just being me.

And you don´t know how I tried to fix things without losing myself

In the process and you don´t know how I wished that I could be

Someone else. Just for you.

Just for me.

Just for them.

Just for the world that seems

Open at my feet and I can´t fucking reach,

Oh why can´t I reach?

I can always forgive but I am never able to forget

And I am not able to play the part and pretend

That everything never happened,

But I am lying here in the dark and you don´t know,

But secretly you already judged me for doing so.

There is no one but you who can change that.

This is not what I wanted, but you don´t see.

This is not how I imagined life to turn out, but you don´t know.

This is not the future of being me I thought, but you don´t see.

I never wanted this at all, and still you don´t know.

So call me a sick sick little liar,

And now I will hide only further.

Back in the dark room where no one can´t see me.

Maybe my body is protecting me from your judgment.

But I hardly reckon it is needed,

Your silence is deafening,

And I think I need to let go,

Because there is nothing threatening

About everyone of you who turned around

While I am lying here in this dark room,

Filling up my days,

Not making any sound.

Unwilling to see me lying here filling my days

Is rather telling of the little ways

You live in your world, and I in mine

And you don´t want to be proven wrong and that´s fine.

Maybe one day I will stop counting the days

Until the pain will just become painful memories

Or everything turns to scars and we find a way

To become closer again, but I won´t hold my breath.

I am lying here in the dark room, and you have hurt me,

Without even knowing so, my friend.