Your love's a suicide

 

Wake me up before the end will come,

I want to feel the darkness on my skin.

I want to let the last notes of music in.

Wading through the dirt of existence.

I just want to feel something that is real.

Something that other people also feel.

As long as I do not need to remember,

I will take the jump and forget to fly.

I am overcome with the need to die.

But if I could just be normal right now,

I might just be ok.

I might just want to live for a single day.

Dad, why did you need to break me?

I am regaining more of my memories.

The smallest things you did to break the trust.

To learn I will never be enough.

Like everything you and mom had a fight.

Your suitcase empty, you pretended your goodbye.

Just so we could beg and cry.

Just to be hero for not leaving in the dark of night.

What do you think that does with a little girls mind?.

And now I am holding all of myself back,

So no one will see the bits that I lack.

All the things I should have learned from my dad.

I filled all of it in with play pretend.

I have become so good in hiding the cracks 

I didn't know that wasn't normal.

Those memories I have that feels so small.

Compared to the size of your knife. 

I didn't know that other's didn't know.

That sense of security crushed beneath soles.

It was easy to blow up our lives.

Holding our hand and then breaking it.

Putting out fires you yourself had lit.

I still remember your fists. 

I don’t think I will ever forget everything.

The memories I have leave me choking

In my own goddamn spit.

Those fires you lit never stopped their fire.

You were wrong again and you were a liar.

You left me feeling that I needed to die.

But you don’t deserve my dead and neither do I.