I exist

Today
I will put my tears in a bucket
And feed them to the ground
To see what will grow
Into my body,
Into my heart.

Today I feed a part of me
To hope.
Yet I am still scared.

Flashbacks
Send me back
Into a state of what was.

My mouth overgrown with weeds
And I can't talk.

Remembering what was
When I was so lost
Is keeping me stuck.

Sometimes.

Curled up in a ball
I made place to be
Less than myself.

Smaller mind,
Afraid to ride
The horse away from
Cold water.

What would happen if I let go of the fears?
What would happen if I start living my life the way I want to?
Would it kill me if I was happy?

But I am not on the ground anymore,
My feet are not stone
And I am not as small
As I made myself believe I was.

I am the one who can turn myself around and once more become me.

So today,
Today I pledge to me,
I have the right to be.