This is not a suicide note

This is not a suicide note

This is not a suicide note.

This is not me writing an ending 

to a story long foretold,

or pushing ctrl alt del 

on my existence. 

This is not me leaning in

on wishful wishing,

or wanting to step

out of my life.

You might not believe me

but that's not a lie.

But the truth is that sometimes 

all I think of is dying.

Sometimes all I want to do 

is summon death. 

My mind can be filled

with suicide and

it's because I've become 

the living dead.

But this is not a suicide note,

I just want to fade out.

I don't want to die, 

just don't want to exist. 

A pause on a body 

that is so goddamn loud.

I just need a breather 

from everything that is.

I think I want to be ghost.

No lungs, no bones,

No body, no pain. 

A settling silence in

my nonexistent veins.

I just need the nothing.

Maybe then I feel anything

else than dead.

This was a note about life.

Did you understand?