The beginning and the end

I
Am a
Mindful
Chaos
Today.
An emotional storm rises and I am standing in the rain.
3 balloons in my hand to which I try to hold on to.
Sanity, peace of mind, and all the answers
To questions I never asked.
You would know me if you saw me.
I am the one with the bedeviled grin.

There is this fight in me
That I end up losing.
I tried to bend but I ended up breaking.
Will I one day rise again?
An one eyed monster
That will not be pressed against
The wall
Like I was.

Maybe I dreamed of the day that I would see the world
And I would take in everything.
Move myself from this position into one that could give me
A reason to die for.
I am not so patient as it comes to waiting.

When will my life begin?
When will it begin?
Will I live before I died?
Will I stop being my own worst enemy.
All I know
Is that I can't stop dreaming
And hoping
And hurting.
Every breathe draws me closer to
The beginning
And to the end.