Mothers cloak (fear of abandonment pt1)

I am not an old fashioned girl

Or maybe that Is who I am.

I still wear my mothers old vest

Like a cloak when I can.

It gives me comfort, a solidarity

That has passed itself down the family.

For the longest in my life

I learned how to choke

When I came back home

I then forgot when I spoke

I am not easy on my demands,

However simple, they are at length.

I have my issues and I bring them along

Take my time to get used to

Whatever´s my song

On that day or the next week or two.

I am easily entertained

But dear everyone, I am not easily fooled

I clinged to my loved ones,

In my heart, with silence unseen

So it´s like no one leaves me

Or they leave me over and over again

I have my mothers stubborness, I have my dad´s fucking pride

I have a past to show for and the knowledge no one tried

To see how I demeaned myself

And every time it was all my fault

Yet with my head high

You can not see that I did not grow cold

I had too much to defend for and my defence always caved in

And then I forgot myself and washed in ignorance my skin

But the days have grown older

And although I still wear that vest.

I have been cast out of the womb with my own kind

Of sense, and I love you, and I am at unrest.

And every time I spoke for me, their silence grew bolder

and every time I waited time, time has grown colder

I´m an old fashioned woman

I still pour love into that vest

And hear the old words

My mama had once said

Don´t make them believe you do not belong on the earth.

So every time your mind flies, your heart will return.

Oh and my dear love,

Choices are not easily made

And sometimes in this world,

They are not always yours to make.

Let go of the things you can not hold before they burn

And every time they fly from you, save their rooms for return,

And now my anxious body

Will find the release

That it so craves

In all of its creases

I am not broken, I am not not okay, you can not tell

me to live MY life your way, my dear Annabelle.

This is what I tell now

To everyone before I rest

Let me live my life my life I say

In my mothers old vest.

I am my saviour, I guess that´s old fashioned in a way.

I am cripple learning to walk and I am not not okay.