Why I stayed

You said every word you ever said to me

And I swallowed them out of curtesy.

But I can no longer take the pain,

My weight has gained,

under your blame.

And you said that I destroyed you,

So now I wonder why YOU stayed?

The abuse of you was always silent,

But not to me and not at the end.

It was only mildly destructive,

They say when they huff

What a good man you are

And take you in with ceremonnial love.

So now I wonder why THEY stayed?

After words rained, beating now came

On the whole and on the daily, But without pain.

I can no longer feel anything,

I smile and nod to nothing,

Who am I but the little miss thing

You said I should be because no one loved me for me.

So now I wonder why I stayed?

Degradation has his upside, you will see

Is somewhere hidden in the words he spoke to me.

Your worth is only to save

That soul of mine and behave

In a matter that does not disgrace

And oh my god you shall obey and obey and obey!

So now you wonder why I stayed?

It was not always this way.

It was not perfect but it was us.

And all those little things he said

Were hidden in slight disgust.

Not like you think it will be.

From zero to beating your days.

It was all inside that what was said

And little miniscule ways.

You start to want to please him a bit,

Change a thing here and there.

Cause I am already fragile you see,

He know I break without care.

Everything has another light,

He promises to love and take away abuse

Then he turns around you

And leaves you broken and bruised.

And my god did I think I deserve, I deserve it all.

Every broken heart I had, everytime I fell.

I fought him but only did so with tenderness,

He thought I was a horse to break, and not one to caress.

I changed into another me and hated that people liked this.

So there must be something wrong with who I was, if she is not missed.

You see,

You fear turning back

Into your old me,

You fear disappointing,

People resenting you

For wanting to be free.

You fear not loving again,

The way you loved him,

And you fear he will come again

And take you, brick by brick.

I was lucky that I escaped,

When I did, when there was time.

But there were the onces

Who did not make it out on time.

Who sings on the graves of those sisters of mine?

Who mourn on the graves of those sisters that died?

Who forgave on the graves of those sisters that tried?

Was it only me,

Who understand why they stayed?