Keep me small

 

If I had shrunk myself into a singular point,

Would that give me the silence I needed?

I can no longer digest what they told me.

I vomit it up and bleed it.

If I had just been a little smaller,

Do you think it would have been alright?

Would my existence gone down

Without a single fight?

If I had stop existing all together,

Would that be the answer to the test?

If I prayed to God for a better body,

Would that have been my way to Mass?

I have tried many times to cut myself in half.

At the end of the day it was never enough.

Fuck, I don’t know what they told you,

But abuse is not tough fucking love.

It has left my body broken,

To bend it to the will

Of those who don’t shine.

“Hide the size of you!”

Will be the thing that kills

Me every single

Time.

I no longer have the will

To break myself apart

To cater to your needs.

You are so damn

Fucking adamant 

To just see the ugliest

Parts of me.

I won’t longer walk 

My damaged body 

Through the pits of hell.

Just because you 

Think I am the devil

That needs to heal

Themselves.

All you want is to keep me small,

Squirrel me away and have me locked up.

It is all too damn predictable,

Yeah it will never be enough.

I stopped counting all my scars.

I can’t remember where they have been.

I drink my soda without vinegar,

And it’s the best thing I have ever seen.

I can feel you gearing up to destroy me again…..

Again and again and again and again and again.

Darken my future again, I dare you.

I am done ripping myself apart for fools.