I have no father (tw abuse)

I kind of wished that you were dead.

I Know it’s shocking to say,

Should I feel bad?

Some days I scour the internet,

Looking for your obituary.

I mean you really weren’t important,

You were never really there,

To hold our hand.

But those memories still demand

I won’t forget your fists.

There is a first to everything, am I right?

When was the first time you told those lies

About me?

God, I just want to be happy.

I want to keep on singing my song.

Tell the world

I have no father

And we never got along.

Cause the hurt

Cause the drama

Means I never had you, father.

I sprung up from the earth

Cradling my trauma.

I know hell does not exist,

Not in the afterlife.

Or else earth would insist

To burn you now from its

Surface, and send you there.

But I am in hell as long as you are right here.

I still look over my shoulder holding a deep seated fear

You are going to tap it.

God, I want to be unencumbered.

I want to keep on dancing my dance.

Tell the world

I have no dad

And it does not make sad.

Cause the hate

Cause the worry

Means I never had you, dad.

I sprung up from the earth

Cradling my story.

I would explain

The different parts

To those new to the timeline.

But it won’t get me

Out of my head

And my tears.

I would explain

If they would believe me

But the story is mine.

Are they here to

Excuse you or

To hear

Me out?

Are they here

To excuse all the parts

Of your behavior?

“He did not mean to.

You bruised his fist

With your face.

You need to stop

And listen,

He’s your father

And you’re his disgrace.”

It’s always the same.

I still wished that you were dead.

I Know it’s shocking to say,

Should I feel bad?

Some days I scour the internet,

Looking for your obituary.