Weeping Willow

 

You’re sneaky like a heart attack.

Always sneaking back in my life like that.

Leaving your footprints over my dirt

And telling everyone I am the one that hurt

You, ah yes, I am the one to blame.

This has always the set up of the game

And I am not here to play.

That’s ok.

Bet you didn’t think of that.

I sleep soundly knowing nothing of you.

You can’t take my peace away from me, I do

Not think you grasp that this is over.

It was over so many years ago,

But you keep on creeping 

And oh God you keep on peeping.

And you keep on hurting,

And you will never stop blaming,

But I already thought of that.

I am always one smile away

Of being absolutely okay.

I am not fascinated by anything else.

My tears do not well

Up for you and they have never done.

Stay forgotten. Stay gone. Be wrong.

I don’t care anymore.

I locked all the doors

To me and I’m so glad I thought of that.

I sleep soundly in the silence.

I sleep soundly and at peace.

Your mind is only violence,

And my mind is at ease.

I smile easily in the light,

I smile easily in the breeze.

Your mind is only destruction,

And my heart is at peace.

What is in your mind

 

Shut the door

Right into my face.

Someday I won’t believe I deserve it

But that is not today.

Shut the gates

Against the rain.

Scream at us that we’re the torrent

If it makes you feel ok.

You touch the dark and hope for light.

You spit in our faces and think that makes it alright.

You close the door.

Close the blinds.

Close your heart

And close your life.

Close your soul

And leave us behind. 

Like we don't know

What is in your mind.

Like we don’t know

What is in your mind.

Coil around and

Hit us like a snake.

We don’t mind the venom,

The foundations didn’t shake.

My heart was already broken, my lip already split.

I have spent my entire life preparing for another hit.

This is nothing new.

So close the door.

Close the blinds.

Close your heart

And close your life.

Close your soul

And leave us behind. 

Like we don't know

What is in your mind.

Like we don’t know

What is in your mind.

We already know

What is in your mind.

Miss

 

I think that I miss you,

But I don’t know what it is I miss.

My lips are forming bruises

And I took every hit.

No I think I do know,

But if I think too hard you’re gone.

I will see that moment,

Spring up again like it has always done.

My feelings hit me fully formed.

In a single heartbeat everything transformed.

Do you even remember?

Hello miss sunshine,

I think I saw you smile.

Somewhere in the 

Broken memories

I covered with denial.

Just so I can quiet my mind.

Just so I can heal.

I have no space

Right now 

To explore what I feel.

Hello miss stormcloud

I can still feel the rain.

Are you still covered

In the darkness

That has lefts it stains?

Are you still holding

On to the empty

Inside your brain,

Or are you holding

It up for all of us to see?

I think that I miss you,

And I would gladly take the hit.

But my lips are healing bruises

And they’re no longer split.

And I think I know 

That the day has yet to come.

Where I will accept that moment.

That I knew you were finally gone.

The silence is loud and fully formed.

A part of me will always remain transformed.

But do you remember?

Hello miss sunshine,

I know that you can smile.

Despite all the

Broken memories

You covered with denial.

One day you quiet your mind.

And all of us can heal.

But I have no space

Right now 

To explore what you feel.

Hello miss stormcloud

I know it still rains.

And you’re covered

In the darkness

That has left it stains.

Please let go

Off the empty

Inside your brain,

Or hold it up

For all of us to see?

We will be waiting.

Backstory

My darling, I don't know what you heard.

But I felt so much these days,

I no longer hurt.

I ripped my soul and left it stunned.

I have to admit that I no longer care.

About what you say or do,

You don't want me there. 

I numbed the feelings in my head.

Just villainize me if that's what you want.

I will still love you, always,

Even if you truly can't. 

I can live with my breaking heart. 

The you in you right now does not exist.

My friend, you need help,

Whatever you insist.

And I'll accept that I might not be it.

At dawn we run

 

Spin me a tale and tell me you care.

I don’t mind that you are lying.

I just want to have the illusion

That someone out there is trying.

At dawn I run

Headfirst into the brick wall

But I won’t stop,

It’s something I have never done.

It’s time they step aside for us.

It’s time that they make space.

We are not going anywhere.

And we will no longer be erased.

Move your story out of the way.

Your time to shine has gone.

We will no longer be here for you to break.

It’s our time in the sun.

At dawn we run,

And we will never stop.

I am coming for what they took

 

It should be known,

I should be known to all.

Suddenly we lost control,

Imminent for a fall.

It should be known,

Yes it should be known.

You carried the weight 

And you often did it all alone.

It should be better,

It should be better than this.

But all life gave was a

A kiss with a fist.

I should be better,

Yes we all should know.

But their explanations come

As my patience goes.

Do they think it’s better?

Do they think it’s better

To be left alone in your head?

Is it better on that side?

Where the people run to hide

The semblance of truth

And leave us all for dead?

Do you think it’s better?

Do you think it’s

Better like this?

To leave someone alone

To their own stones,

Until my heart

And my brain no longer fits

My peace is fading,

All they did was taking.

Your everything is breaking

And my anger is pulsating.

The foundation is shaking,

And I am coming for what they took.

Nighttime Thinking

Hello, you,

What are you doing there?

Are you bottling up the world into your care?

To hide it away somewhere?

Hello you,

Have you found someone to talk you down?

To paint a smile out of a frown?

Relax the stress out of your mouth?

Don't want to see you break

Carrying a world that's much too late

Carrying a world that only takes

And never sees you.

That doesn't appreciate 

The way you bend into a space.

We should have hold your place.

We should have.

Hello you,

Have you tried to catch a breath?

To take it in and let your mind rest?

Will it help you with all of it?

Don't want to see you burn,

For a world that doesn't return

This big favor you have earned

With your soul.

Everyone was too late.

To help you erase all of the mistakes.

They could have tried to stay.

They could have.

Are you ok?

I no longer know what to say. 

Is this helping you in anyway?

Just tell me you're safe.

Hello you,

Sometimes I don't know what to do.

I don't have all the answers, never did too.

I'm simply a confident fool.

Hello you,

The night is young and my brain is full.

My edges are sharp while the blade is dull.

I hope you sleep till your tears no longer fall.

So what's next?

Life will start after the rest.

We could have your place set.

And for you, we will.

The worst enemy

Hungry again.

I always find myself ending here.

Looking at your number. 

Never dialing, my dear.

I prefer fantasy. 

(It won't hurt me)

So touch deprived.

The scent of flesh is all I need.

It's OK that you lied.

Forget. Delete.

Even if I still feel it.

(And I do)

You're the craving on my skin.

Always.

I think I feel it drip drip down.

I'm covered in sin.

Always.

And my head's turned upside down.

But God the pain is suffocating me.

Why did you tell me it was alright?

I swear I heard you promise me my life. 

Down I fall and forever I bleed

For you.

Just like they said I could.

They claimed I will go to hell for this.

Well hell will keep me warm.

Warmer than you ever did

Anyway.  And I gladly take the blame.

They claimed their kicking won't hurt.

It didn't as much as yours did.

It's just their way of keeping lines blurred.

I'm a demon for the same reason you're not.

Their idea of God is suffocating me.

Why did they say he was love and light?

They swear they're saving my life.

But down I go to freely bleed

I turned fool.

Just like they believe I should.

Why do they hate us 

For wanting that toxic love like they do?

The fire and passion 

And the feeling of being fooled?

Why do they deny us

Becoming just as broken as they are?

They only want us perfect

And I'm unable to get that fucking far.

Why do they claim us

All to them motherfucking selves.

Stop wanting my attention.

I no longer know the last time I felt well.

Break me.

Just fucking break me.

Just like my father, 

Keep me destroyed.

Turn your eyes,

Make me a weapon

And keep me deployed.

Break me, 

fucking break me.

But I won't win you 

Your war today. 

I know where I belong.

Your welcome

Long overstated. 

Just shut up and suffocate me.

Your image of God was never fucking mine.

I don't owe you my own life.

I slide down easily, so willingly.

And so do you.

Just like I knew you would.