Rape

You told me about silence
When you told me I could not speak
About you between my legs,
You waking me when I was asleep.
I started to know how to fear what I loved,
From very early on.
You were there to teach me.
You told me secrets
That I can not trust,
Lies I can not possess,
And hate that is all consuming.
I took you in,
All of you in,
Unwillingly,
Turning me into you.
What was it in me,
That made you chose me as a victim?
Was it that I was already silent?
My image held my severed tongue.
My image held my severed tongue.

I grew up unable to fight you,
I grew up thinking it was my fault.
I grew up violently,
Within a single day.
My best friend was a pen,
And it taught me that this was not how it supposed to be.
And I became ready for a battle.

I learned to tell people about you,
But only in riddles
And only between the papers and the sheets
That are scattered on the floor.
A piece here,
A piece there,
Forming a still unfinished story.
I learned to tell people about you,
With an anger that was never lessening,
A part of me wanted everyone to know
That I dream about murdering you,
(To erase the violence of the past
To finally send away the demons in my mind)
Dreams so vivid,
I wake up sweating
And crying
Because you're still breathing.
I'm still waiting for the day I snap
With much pleasure.

But I like to thank you,
You are still stimulating my broken poetry
As a muse for my rage
My anger
My hatred
My passion for this fire.
I am your mirror now,
I am a beast,
A wild and howling demon,
A fallen angel.
That's what you get for taking the innocence
Of a young girl of only six.
I'm only as imperfect as you made me.
A perfect vessel to house this broken poetry.

You will never touch me again.