19

I have not counted the days
Since I last saw you,
But it must have been more
Than it feels like for me.
You are still behind one of the doors
Inside my head.

I was only a mere teenager
When I first met you,
And maybe so seemed you
At least they sad.
But when the sickness started to show too
It wasn't in my head.

You were not a teenager,
You were a monster,
You're every move was to break me
And no one saw.
And everytime you said I was free,
It was only ment to kick me down.

You only lifted me up
To see how far I would fall
Every time a bit higher

You only lifted me up
To see what I'll do if I fall
Every time back I crawl

Was it all a test
To see how much I loved you
But this was not love,
This is not truth.
But despite that I believed you above
All rational inside my head.

For when you found me
I was already broken
And did not know about life.
I though it even normal
When you took up that one knife
And chased me around.

You only hold me tight
To see what made me choke
To have a strong hold

You only said you wanted to know
Who I was inside my skin
Just so you could make me tick.

It is the manipulation that might end up hurting most.
Not the lack of love, or lack of everything.
It was not controlling what I was allowed to think.
And now I took up your stick as it comes to controlling,
Controlling everything and anything that is about me.
And feeling that lack of control sip out ungradually.
An all or nothing consuming fire that makes me insane
Unable to look at beyond the pain and sear once again free.

I was a teenager,
And so were you,
They said.
But you are much more,
You're the one that
Almost killed me dead.

I am a fighter,
And so were you,
They thought.
But I keep fighting for me
And you just sought
Proof for your right

Of being
A fucking
Asshole.