Melody

I am writing melodies
Like Eric Zann
Not sure if I am lead
By angst
Or strength.
I am writing melodies.
My pen a weapon
To erase demons,
Create monsters,
And lick the words
That come out of my mouth.
It silences my madness.
It
Silences
My
Madness.
I am writing melodies
And it's like a fever
Racing from limb to limb.
I'm okay now, I said
But if I have ever been?
I am writing melodies
Because I have a dream
That I will be better
And Lovecraft told me
That if I didn't use my imagination
I will never be.
I am writing melodies
Because I can't be stuck
In this endless parade
Of mindnumbing sadness
And denying smiles.
I am not cut out for this.
I am not made for the boredom,
The horror,
Of every day
Exactly the same.
I am writing melodies
Because I have blood on my mind
And tears in my soul
Where no one dares to look
And ask me:
"What now?"
I would tell you that I,
I have a wasteland in me
And that you have a webcam
And I think you want to video me
Crumbling down.
I am writing melodies
Because I am paranoid.
If it all comes out,
If you would know what I'm made of,
You would leave
And I would have to kill
You.
I am writing my melodies
Because I can,
Because I want,
Because I like the fall
And the memories.
I am writing my melodies,
Don't disturb me,
I am disturbed enough.
Thank you.