Love enough

I set it up,
This self punishment.
A moment in time
When I am not okay
With who I am.

It's the darkness,
It keeps on haunting
And I keep falling
Under the pressure
Of my own mind

I should be creating.
I should be loving
My life and my art
But I end up
Only hating myself.

Can I be bigger
On the inside
And keep myself
From hiding away
From everybody

I feel fat
And I feel lazy
And I feel anxious
Around people
Around everybody.

I feel ugly
I feel stupid
And I feel like
A judged failure
And I am judging myself

When will I be
The one that is creating
Art for long enough
That makes me content
With what I made that day

When will the bigger
On the inside
Pour out on a piece
Of a paper.
When will my life start?

I want to grow and
Become the person
That I want to be
Not caring for the way
That I judge myself.

I set it up.
I've had enough.
I don't want to die
But I am not in love
With myself.