Too late

It feels like I have been here before
And it hasn't been too long
Will I hear myself screaming before the end of this song?

Welcome back my old friend,
I am sorry that you found me here again at the edge
Of everything that hold me sane
The distant thunder
The summerrains

I always thought myself stronger,
A fighter deep at the deepest part of my core
But perhaps I betrayed my own fate
I broke down again
And it feels like it's too late

Too late to start swimming and not be drowning
Too late to release the breath that I was holding
Too late to tell myself the truth before I break down
Too late to stand very still and finally hold my ground

I never want anyone to see me crying,
But I don't want to be the person keeping close to myself
There is this picture that I'm drawing
To tell people my story
When I am not the one talking

This song is a sentence close to my heart
It tells me of everything that I was afraid to be seeing
Inside the deep deeper deepest core
I am right back at
Where I have been before

Why am I the one that keeps falling apart?
Finding myself at the end before I get a new start
Focussing my energy on everything but healing
I don't even want to tell myself what I am feeling

I searched the whole world for a better beginning
To the lifestory that my existence is writing
Wishing for a different story that I could be telling
But maybe I should accept myself even when I'm failing

Or at least I think
That I am failing
But maybe I am
Simply not dealing
Other people don't see
What it is that I see in me
Maybe I'm the one
That keeps this circle from going on
If I release this anger for me
Can I finally be strong

Lightning is splitting the skies right before my eyes
I am not there yet but I'll get there before I die
Just give me a moment or maybe even two
And one day I might be proud of myself too

Welcome back my old friend,
I am sorry you found me here again at the edge
One day I'll be standing here
Just to enjoy the view
And you'll have nothing to fear

From me and the moods you found me in
At the end of this song I found myself healing