Photograph

I did not used to look like him so much,
But every time I see a photograph of myself now,
I flinch.
I don't like what I see.
The soft blub shaping of my body,
The lines that walk from my nose
To the corners of my mouth
And beyond.
Stern and fake smiling.
Squinting that hide
The one thing I love above myself.
Those eyes,
I got them from myself.

It used to be different but I don't have to ask myself
What changed?
I changed.
I fear the outside
Reflects the inside
And I did not used to look like him so much.

In the years that I became uncreasingly unhappy
With the person that I was
I first blamed him.
Then life,
Then circumstances
But mostly I blamed myself.
I hid myself away in an exterior I did not like
By eating my way into a protective bubble
And it did not make me as happy and safe
As I thought,
For I did not used to look like him so much
And it confronted me with parts of myself I forgot.

I am insecure and maybe I am broken
I am insecure and yes maybe I am
Broken
Because I did not used to look like him so much.