Not broken

I try to keep my
Head out of the darkness.
Today I pretend
To care less.
But I can't hide
That I feel depressed
And I seem uncapable
Of helping myself.

It is just one of
Those hardened days
Where I am not myself
And yet I am in a way.
And my skin has
Not thickened enough
And I am not the one
That I can love.

I'm not fixed
But I'm not broken.
Maybe it's
Because I am hoping
For something better,
Something unique.
To enter this life
That once felt bleak.

And I'm always
Scared for the future.
I keep changing
The things I need for
A happy life
A life the the fullest.
But I keep putting
Myself to the test.

You keep telling me
That I am special,
That I have a talent
And I'll surely shall
Make myself climb
To the top once more
But I am too afraid
Of opening that door.

And my friends
They can not see me
The same way
That I see them.
It all just
Keeps on hurting,
For it feels
Like they're rejecting

Me but I can understand
Their reasons
Even if it changes
Like the seasons
Keeps changing wind
And direction
And I fear the
End of friendship.

Maybe they are
Better off alone
For I am not likely
To change my tone.
I care and am
Emotional
Far beyond reach
Of my credentials.

Maybe I'm too large
So deep within
Or it means I'm smaller
Than the smallest sin
And I can't see
That they understand
The smallest hand
In my demands.

Just tell me
It's not personal
And you care for me
After all.
My friendship means
As much to you
As yours does to
My life too.

And I swear
I won't forget
What it is that
you need
Of me and my
Weird states.
It it really not
Too late.

Why can't I see that
My problems are so small
And that my wounds are
Self-inflicted after all.
The little cracks
Showing in my skin
Makes me the
Finest porcelain

That was not handled
With care by
The owner, which is me
And I still hide
Them with the
Finest care
But one day
I'll be there

For
Me.