It only hurts when I laugh

It only hurts when I laugh
And I have to pretend
That I am not on the edge of the world.
That I am not at a wits end.

It only hurst when I laugh,
Trying so hard not to fall off.
Even though I dream of flying,
I know that landing will be rough.

It only hurts when I laugh,
If you ever wondered why I always cry.
I sometimes want to stop existing,
But I don't ever want to die.

And I can see my scars clearer
Than my reflection in the mirror

But the feelings beneath the bloody scratches
Remain hidden in the deepest darkest fog
The shadowiest parts of my brain are the ones that latches
On to me, whispering that there will not be a better day.
Like an elephant on my chest, a ghost entangled around me and it catches
My breath, my breath, my precious breath.

It will only hurt when I die
So I might as well keep existing,
Retracting ever so more in myself
So I can't remember what it is I should be missing.

I will only hurt if I'm left behind,
So I keep my arms wrapped tight around you.
I am sure you can always leave me,
My sanity, but I am sure I don't want you too.

All this beauty I will never forget,
Until I forget and that will be the end of that.
The end of my last straw with life.

But the feelings beneath the bloody scratches
Remain hidden in the deepest darkest fog
The shadowiest parts of my brain are the ones that latches
On to me, whispering that there will not be a better day.
Like an elephant on my chest, a ghost entangled around me and it catches
My breath, my breath, my precious breath.

But the feelings beneath the bloody scratches
Remain hidden in the deepest darkest fog
The shadowiest parts of my brain are the ones that latches
On to me, whispering that there will not be a better day.
Like an elephant on my chest, a ghost entangled around me and it catches
My breath, my breath, my precious breath.

It only hurts when I laugh,
It only hurts when I laugh,
And cry, and scream and break everything,
It only hurts when I fake it,
It only hurts when I laugh.