Yesteryears Tomorrowfears

Can I rest now?
Can I sleep?
I am so tired,
And I've fallen too deep.

It's entirely my fault,
You said to me.
You are not the one to blame,
Said those who set me free.

And I wanted you to know,
I am not happy and I am hurt.
And I wanted you to know,
Before you saw me crawling in the dirt.

I might be damaged goods now.
I might be burned by a too bright flame.
I tried to follow their rules,
And I ended up unable to play the game.

And I'm unhealthy.
I am sick and I don't know what will come.
Before the end of my song,
I might become completely undone.

The world seems so harsh
When you tremble and when you shake.
Uncontrollably and so fragile,
But I don't want to be this special snowflake.

I don't want to melt and stop existing.
But I am tired and I think I'm missing.
At the end of day I feel a world of pain,
As I go insane with too much listening.

Listening to the world passing my by.
Listening to the broken hearts.
Listening to laughter and children playing.
Listening to myself falling apart.

There is no moment it feels like I am resting.
It feels like years since I last slept.
I have walked past the burning cinders of tired
Before I fell so deep, and for that I've wept.

I think I need you by my side,
Standing in my corner in case I fall.
Because I can't hold on to myself forever,
And I can not keep standing tall.

Standing tall and smiling.
With all my insides screaming and crying.
I wanted to tell you that
Some days it feels like that I am dying.

But I've sewn my mouth with stitches.
Determined to keep it tied shut.
Until the day you take me seriously
And the strings to my past self are cut.

I am not the girl I once loved to hate.
The liar and the one who misbehaved.
For all the things once done I grieved.
But it is time to walk past that grave.

When I tell you that I am hurting,
Believe me, I am hurting.
And every now and then I want to be reminded
That all the ties to a normal life are not burning.

I am not healthy but I'm not NOT strong.
I am more than the damages done.
I am more than this disease spreading to my body,
But right now I need to know you're there for lives to come.

So watch me rest,
And watch over me when I sleep.
I am so tired now
And I've fallen too deep.